the face of God.

I had the opportunity to attend a half-day spiritual retreat this morning led by the amazing Joellynn Monahan. She introduced me to Soul Cards (learn more about Soul Cards and the artist who produces them here). They are small cards with images on them and serve as wonderful tool for spiritual reflection. The process is simple: gaze into an image and take time to notice what is there and how it speaks to you. It was a powerful experience of reflection and connecting with God.

Below is my reflection on the image to the right.

The eyes of this face, look intently out and upwards, though I know not at what. The face is beyond description: without gender or race. It seems to be one with the stony surface. The colors are muddied grays and browns - like clay or rock. But there seems to be color beneath, just barely breaking through the gray. This is no dull stone you know. There is light in the rock, burning through with pure joy. The smile curls into a grin, smiling through the darkened fish. The smile suggests that this face has a secret -- or a multitude of them -- which the face dares you to guess, though will never tell.

The darkened, translucent fish, swims with another. Both of them float in the waveless rock sea together in the same direction. Above them floats another fish, swimming confidently the opposite way, alone. Just above that singular fish break waves of light, which cast a glowing crown upon that knowing face. The light steadily shines, though its source is indiscernible. Does it shine down from some unimaginable heaven above? Or is the mysterious being with the unrelenting gaze radiate the light from within? Or perhaps it is the fish's light -- an outward expression of inner beauty, an outpouring of soul. Around the face is shadow, suggesting depth and darkness. But the eyes gaze on, fearlessly, peering out from the deep.

What this image means, I cannot say for certain. Except to say that I know this face. It is kind and constant, and suggests something of Divinity. I want to stay with it here, floating in the mysterious shadowy waters of rock. I want to be the fish that floats in his light. I want to dance in that glowing crown. I want to fearlessly swim in a new direction. I've been so weary of swimming, so weighted with this heavy clay, I've nearly forgotten that these waters are full of light. It has at moments seemed so dark, so rocky, that I've hardly moved forward at all -- I flail and push and paddle in vain. The waves of granite feel to heavy to bear.

But all the while, the face of God has been with me. Those kind eyes, looking into me and through me, that mouth speaking words of life, into my weary body. "Look up," the divine whispers in silent words, grinning. "Look up and see the light. These waters are not stone. Swim freely here. The dark is mystery, not doom. Just turn around, don't be afraid to swim a different direction. Swim in the light of my freedom, never forgetting, I am as present with you in the darkest deep, as I am in the flecks of golden light."

Your glowing eyes, O God, see me. In them, you behold every fear and doubt. Every stubborn habit, every weary bone. In your gaze, you hold even the moments when I've given up swimming all together, floating limp and broken in the still water. You look and look, as if you cannot get enough of me. That look of love, ever patient, urges me forward. I look up and expect to see wounded disappointment in your eyes, but there is none. You smile with love. Looking fully. This look I know can only mean acceptance. You seem to know something I can't even begin to imagine. Some great possibility and hope that I can only guess at.

Your look seems to say, "I know you. I know what you can do. I know what worlds you will create, share and live in. Swim on, lovely girl. Let go of those stones you think you carry. Swim on, in the freedom of my love."

God's glowing face brings new life to these murky waters. We swim on, and the face of the Divine looks and looks, and never tires of looking us into being.