I just finished watching Woody Allen's latest film, Vicky Cristina Barcelona. It's beautiful and light hearted, with underlying themes about the life-long search for passion and meaning. It also has the kind of strong, intense, female characters that are typical of Woody Allen. If you watch it though, I have to warn you, you will want to drop everything and fly to Barcelona. Right this minute. So before pressing play, pack your bags.
There is a moment in the movie where Scarlett Johansson's character, Cristina, says that its sad, really, that she loves art and music so passionately, but has no gift or talent to speak of. It reminded me of a similar moment in the film Adaptation where Meryl Streep says, "I suppose I do have one unembarrassed passion: I want to want something passionately." I connect with that feeling of self doubt. That we feel so much beauty and see so much passion, but haven' t found our gift, our art, our passion. We see and admire that passion and art in others, but feel we haven't expressed that kind of beauty ourselves.
I am a lover of poetry, art, and music. I write often, paint (very) occasionally, and have sung in choirs and worship bands in the past -- but I don't have any kind of unique or extraordinary talent in any of these areas. I read poetry that is so beautiful it breaks me open to a whole new way of experience, and I know there isn't a sentence I have ever written that comes close to that kind of true art. I think I am so much better at appreciating than creating. I can look at a poem or a painting, and find so much depth. There is an art to that, I think. An art to seeing and hearing and studying. But I think it pales in comparison to the kind of art that creates, that offers something new to the world, that arranges the pieces of life in a new way, particular to a moment, to a person, to a feeling, to a life. That kind of particular expression comes only out of passionate creativity -- a creativity I strive for, but haven't yet found.
I wonder, do others feel this same sense? Do most of us walk around being appreciators and longing to be artists? Do artists see themselves as artists? Or are they also longing for that moment of true passion and inspiration? What is it that makes us feel that this daily art of living and loving isn't enough? Why do we always assume that other people's passions are more extraordinary than our own?
I don't have any answers today. But I know I believe that every person I meet is an artist. I'm not sure why I struggle to believe that of myself.
1 comment:
Hi Katie,
I am about to listen to that Rivers thing on NPR you sent me. Thanks for pointing me to it! I haven't heard that before, and I very much look forward to listening to it.
I found this post very interesting. I added that movie to my netflix, so maybe we can talk more about it once I watch it.
I think that all artists do feel the same way as you. In fact I am one of those people that envies YOU for the way that you can express yourself on paper and in stories, and I am sure that there is someone in the world who admires me for being able to play chords on a guitar (which is about all I can do, and I am not good at it haha). But anyways, Everyone envies everybody else.
I think that only over time do artists learn to express themselves the way that they can. Yeah, I am sure you envy some poets that were very young when they started writing, but most artists develop their talents over many, many years. The more poetry you read, music you listen to, food you cook, etc., the better you will get at those things.
Although I didn't really directly say so, I think my point is that appreciating art IS learning art. Yes, true art is creating something completely new, but by studying artists and analyzing the way that they think, you are only benefiting from that.
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